No Mum, He Really Is My Boyfriend
by show-me-your-tardis
Summary: If Remus has to go on one more date set up by his mother, he will maul his own face off. It was nothing against the boys, they were... Well, they were horribly dull, but it was mostly the werewolf thing. So when an escape plan, in the form of Sirius Black, presents itself, Remus is more than happy to take it. (Fake Relationship Fic)
1. A Huge Mistake

**No, Mum, He Really is my Boyfriend**

A/N [show-me-your-tardis]

**Plot – If Remus has to go on one more date set up by his mother, he will maul his own face off. It was nothing against the boys, they were... Well, they were horribly dull, but it was mostly the werewolf thing. So when an escape plan, in the form of Sirius Black, presents itself, Remus is more than happy to take it.**

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><p>Chapter One<p>

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><p><span><strong>Remus<strong>

Remus apparated back to his lounge. It was rude to apparate in the middle of a sentence, but he didn't care. He had to get away from whatever his name was. It had been another date set up by his mother and by all accounts, it was the worst one yet. Whatever his name was, was incredibly dull. So dull, in fact, that Remus had already forgotten his name.

He rubbed a hand over his face and glanced around the mess that was his lounge. He narrowed his eyes at Sirius sprawled across the sofa, drooling in his sleep. His leather jacket was bunched up on the floor, atop a pile of sweet wrappers. Empty glasses and mugs of half drunk coffee were dotted around the room. Remus had been gone for three hours and already the lounge looked like a bombsite. How on earth Sirius managed to mess up a room _this much _in so little time, was beyond Remus.

All he knew, was that he was absolutely not cleaning it this time.

He grabbed his wand from his pocket and aimed it at one of the glasses, "Wingardium Leviosa."

The glass hovered, the water sloshing against the sides, threatening to spill out. It made its slow way to Sirius and floated just above his face. In one swift motion, Remus twirled his wand and the glass spun upside down, splashing the water across Sirius's face.

Sirius jerked upright, spluttering and gasping. He looked panicked and terrified. Swiping his hands over his face, he caught sight of Remus. His face darkened. Remus tucked his wand back into his pocket, smirking slightly. The look on Sirius's face when he woke up had definitely brightened his day. Sirius placed his feet on the ground and rubbed at his eyes, "You promised to stop doing that."

"You promised to stop messing up my house." Remus said pointedly.

"It's _our _house." Sirius said through a yawn. When Remus kicked disgustedly at an empty crisp packet, Sirius asked, "How was your date?"

Remus groaned for a long time, and flopped down on the couch next to Sirius. He ran a hand through his hair, "Awful. Just... Just awful."

"That bad?" Sirius asked, picking his jacket off the ground, and levitating it towards the coat rack. He stood up, surveyed the mess around him, and made no attempt to clean it up. The tips of his hair were curled up slightly from where he'd lay on the couch.

"For three hours he talked about the effects of weather on Tentaculas. _Three hours._" Remus groaned.

Sirius scoffed, and flopped back down on the couch. Remus glanced around the messy room and grimaced. He could leave Sirius to clean this up, but both of them knew that could take up to three days to get done, even with magic. Remus would have to do it, maybe some cleaning would take his mind off Boring McBoringface's idea of a date. Really, was this what Remus was to expect for the rest of his life now? Boring dates with boring people, set up by his mother? Remus sighed. The problems with being a werewolf.

"Why don't you just tell your mum you don't want to date?" Sirius asked, popping another Pumpkin Fizz into his mouth and tossing the wrapper to the ground – choosing to ignore the disgusted noise Remus let out.

"_Because._" Remus said, reciting the answer he always gave to this question, "My mum wants me to be happy and she doesn't think I can be happy on my own. She won't accept _'mum, nobody wants to date a werewolf'_ as an excuse either."

Sirius pinned him with a strange look. Remus drew his brows together, Sirius was looking at him so weirdly. The expression left his face quickly, replaced by amusement, "Women have monthly problems too, and people still want to spend time with them."

Remus punched Sirius gently on the shoulder and stood up, "Yeah, but I don't think a bit of blood is the same thing as turning into a great, hulking beast that wants to eat you."

Sirius laughed and aimed his wand at the TV.

"Expelliarmus!" Remus shouted before Sirius could turn the TV on. He caught the wand expertly as it spun towards him. Sirius looked offended and held his hand out for his wand. Remus shook his head and gestured to the room, "Clean this mess and then you can have your wand back."

"Tosser." Sirius muttered under his breath. Remus pretended he hadn't heard and walked into the kitchen. Just before he left the room, he saw Sirius force himself up from the couch with a groan.

After grabbing a bottle of pumpkin juice from the fridge, Remus made his way up the stairs. He turned right on the landing. Outside his bedroom door, he shut his eyes and counted to ten, bracing himself for the lecture that was about to come.

The _you can't be so picky, Remus _lecture. The _you have to settle down, Remus _lecture. The _even though you're only nineteen and totally in love with your best friend, you need to find a boy who's actually interested in you, Remus _lecture.

Remus palmed the door open and stepped in, sipping at his pumpkin juice. Sat at the desk, reading The Daily Prophet was Hope Lupin. She turned to face the door when Remus walked in and smiled expectantly. Remus smiled back at her quickly, before shaking his head. She looked disappointed to say the least, "Remus, you can't keep saying no to every boy I set you up with."

She turned the chair to face Remus, and picked an invisible thread off her cardigan, "What was wrong with this one?"

"He was so boring!" Remus exclaimed.

"Boring is good! Boring is stable!" Hope said.

Remus took another mouthful of pumpkin juice, suddenly wishing it was firewhiskey.

"I think you bring enough excitement to the relationship, don't you?" Hope asked.

Remus moved to sit on the bed, sighing. She was right, in a way. He did need someone stable, but why did that mean they had to be boring? Couldn't he have someone like Sirius?

Remus laughed at his own thoughts. Sirius Black was anything but stable.

"Mum, I..." Remus paused. He wanted to tell his mum he didn't want to date. Wanted to explain to her that the werewolf thing – who he was – meant anyone close to him was in danger. He didn't want to risk getting close to someone who ditched him the moment they found out about his secret. He didn't want to risk anyone's life.

But he didn't want to disappoint her either. Hope so badly wanted Remus to be happy, and in a normal relationship, he couldn't bare to discourage her. He needed an out. He needed an excuse-

A bang sounded from downstairs interrupting Remus's thoughts. He pushed his fringe out of his eyes, it was probably Sirius acting like a child and...

_Sirius. _

Something in Remus's mind suddenly clicked. He smiled, "I'm dating Sirius."

Judging by the parade of boys Hope had set Remus up with, over the past few months, Sirius wasn't her idea of boyfriend material. Her idea of boyfriend material was: boring, incredibly dull, not at all interesting, and blond. None of which applied to Sirius Black.

Still, her face lit up with glee the moment the lie left his mouth. Remus was pulled into an excessively tight hug, and cringed. He'd have to get to Sirius as soon as possible, and brief him. Remus cringed further at the thought of that conversation.

"_Hey, Sirius, do you mind kissing me in front of my mum? As friends though, I'm not in love with you or anything..." _

Remus pulled out of his mum's grip, and she swiped a tear from her eye. Remus shuffled awkwardly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Hope asked, smiling.

"Erm... Because... I... Sirius is shy and..." Remus grimaced, and ran a hand across his face. Wearily, he finished, "We were waiting for it to be official."

"Oh Remus! I'm so happy!" If Hope could see Remus's discomfort she didn't let on. Instead, she neatened the messy hair on Remus's head lovingly.

"Yeah, so I'm going to go and make dinner..." Remus said, extracting himself from his mum's arms. She was grinning so widely, Remus thought she might be having a breakdown. He backed towards the door, fiddling with the lid from his pumpkin juice. Out in the hallway, he shut the door behind him and took a deep breath. He stared blankly at the walls. The realisation of what he'd just done came crashing down.

What the hell had he just done?

_Remus Lupin you are one massive idiot. _

Remus downed the remainder of his pumpkin juice, again wishing that it was firewhiskey. There was probably some firewhiskey in their house, he did live with Sirius after all. But he knew he couldn't get drunk right now, he had to get to Sirius. He could get drunk after.

He turned and sprinted down the stairs, almost tripping down several times. He burst through the living room door, and Sirius leapt up from the couch, "I'm doing it, I'm doing it!" He said, picking up an empty glass.

"You're my boyfriend." Remus blurted out, quickly cursing himself.

Sirius drew his brows together, and stared at Remus. Nonplussed, he asked, "Since when?"

"I don't know why I did it. I just needed a lie and then there was a bang and oh Merlin, fuck," Remus said, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, and pacing the room, "It just happened, and I'm sorry. I'll tell her the truth in a minute. Oh Merlin, she's going to kill me."

Remus felt hands grip his shoulders and hold him in place. When he removed his hands from his eyes, he saw Sirius stood directly in front of him, looking incredibly lost. Sirius was so close, Remus could feel the warmth radiating off him. His grey eyes were enchanting, Remus felt himself relaxing in Sirius's hands.

"Moony, what the hell are you talking about?" Sirius asked, shaking Remus gently.

"I told my mum we were dating." Remus whispered. Maybe if he said it quietly enough, it would stop being true...

"You told your mum we were dating." Sirius stated. It didn't sound like a question, more like Sirius was just confirming what Remus had said to himself. Remus felt his knees wobble slightly. Sirius was so going to freak out. Any minute now he'd ask Remus what the fuck was wrong with him, and didn't he know Sirius was straight!

It's a good thing Remus had Sirius's wand because he didn't feel like he could run away from curses right now.

Remus silently begged Sirius to say something. He begged himself to say something. To explain that he didn't actually have feelings for Sirius – he just needed his mum to stop setting him up on dates. It was absolutely nothing to do with the swirling feeling inside Remus's chest everytime Sirius said his name, or the warmth that spread right down to his toes when Sirius came downstairs in his boxers. No, absolutely nothing to do with that.

Just when Remus was about start vomiting out some kind of explanation, and probably end up digging himself deeper into this hole, Sirius started laughing. Actually laughing. He dropped his hold on Remus, still laughing to himself. Remus felt one corner of his mouth tug up at the sound. Maybe Sirius was having a breakdown as well as Hope.

"You... You... Told your mum..." Sirius choked out between laughs. Remus waited, getting ready for the explosion that would no doubt follow.

Eventually, Sirius composed himself. After one final laugh, he looked up at Remus, and shrugged, "Okay."

"Okay what?" Remus asked, nervously.

"I'll be your boyfriend." Remus almost choked, but Sirius didn't seem to notice, "Well, fake boyfriend, whatever."

"I wasn't asking..." Remus squeaked.

Sirius nudged Remus's shoulder, "I know, but your mum's staying here for the week, isn't she?" Remus nodded mutely, and Sirius continued, "Then we'll need to act like... Well, you know."

If Remus didn't know better, he'd think Sirius looked embarrassed, but after eight years of friendship, Remus knew Sirius had no concept of embarrassment. The look on Sirius's face was probably just suppressed amusement at Remus's own embarrassment.

"Um... Okay..." Remus said hesitantly.

A grin broke out on Sirius's face, "So when should we have sex?"

Remus felt his cheeks flush. Sirius burst into laughter again, and threw an arm over Remus's shoulder, "I'm kidding, Moony. You're so easy to embarrass. I promise I'll keep my hands to myself." Sirius ducked his head and whispered in Remus's ear, "Unless you'd rather I didn't."

Remus yanked his body away from Sirius, and glared at him. Hoping his anger could mask his arousal. He could still feel where Sirius's breath had tickled his ear. He knew the flirting meant nothing though, Sirius flirted with everyone – _everyone._

"I've made a huge mistake." Remus muttered as he wandered into the kitchen, trying to get the image of Sirius's hands out of his head.


	2. What Would You Do For Five Galleons?

**Sirius**

Hope walked in seconds after Moony had left. Sirius barely had time to compose himself. He didn't really understand what had happened between him and Moony, and what being his fake boyfriend would entail, but Moony had seemed so relieved when Sirius had agreed. Plus, Sirius was sure he could use this to his advantage. He wasn't sure how exactly, but he was thinking something to do with a point system and Moony's blushing.

Hope stepped forward and enveloped Sirius in a hug. He froze for a second, before wrapping one arm around her and patting her awkwardly on the back. It was weird. He wasn't really a hugging person, unless he was trying to get into their pants. And he certainly wasn't trying to get into Moony's mum's pants... Moony, on the other hand...

Sirius shook his head quickly, forcing that thought from his mind.

She pulled away and Sirius quickly put a smile on his face. Hope looked a lot like Moony. She was chubbier than her bony son, but the eyes were the same green. Her hair was a lighter brown than his, and flecked with grey. Her face was round and kind looking. She had the typical "mum-look", just like James's mum. Absolutely nothing like Sirius's mum.

Sirius felt his face darken, and quickly joked, "Should I start calling you mum?"

"Oh not yet, Sirius." Hope laughed. She added, sincerely, "I'm so glad he found you."

Moony appeared at the door then, holding a jar of pasta sauce. His eyes darted nervously between Sirius and Hope, before he relaxed into a smile. Sirius could tell it was forced. "I'm glad he found me too." Sirius said, smiling broadly at Moony.

Moony narrowed his eyes at Sirius behind Hope's back. Sirius spotted no sign of blushing on his face, he'd have to try harder. Moony brushed invisible dust off his top and cleared his throat, "I'm thinking pasta for dinner?"

"No, darling, don't be stupid." Sirius grinned. _Darling. _That was sure to work, Sirius knew from fourth year – when Moony and some boy from Hufflepuff had had a thing - that Moony hated pet names. Sure enough, the moment Sirius said the word, a pink tinge blossomed on Moony's face.

_That's one point to me. _

"We'll go out for dinner." Sirius said, he sidestepped Hope and walked towards Moony. He paused just in front of him and smiled easily. Moony narrowed his eyes at him slightly. Sirius knew he was suspicious, probably expecting Sirius to embarrass him in some other way, and Sirius wasn't about to let him down. He reached out and entwined their fingers, watching the pink in Moony's cheeks turn darker. Moony had long fingers and Sirius could feel the rough, raised skin of a few scars in his palm.

"I like to treat my boyfriend." Sirius added just loud enough for Hope to hear, mentally giving himself another point.

"Dinner out sounds like a lovely idea, Sirius!" Hope said. She glanced down at her outfit and pulled a face, "I'll get changed."

Sirius pulled Moony away from the door to allow Hope past. Once they saw her disappear into Moony's room, Moony yanked his hand away from Sirius and turned on him. Glaring, he hissed, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm being your boyfriend." Sirius said innocently.

"You're purposefully trying to embarrass me." Moony stated angrily, crossing his arms across his chest.

Sirius made an offended noise and placed his hand on his heart, in mock anger he asked, "How dare you!" Moony didn't look amused and Sirius smirked, dropping his hand, "What's the matter, Moony? I thought you wanted me to be your boyfriend."

Sirius closed the gap between them in a few steps, effectively trapping Moony between himself and the kitchen door. He leaned forward, until his face was only an inch away from Moony's. He could feel his breath on his cheek. Sirius could easily close the gap, easily press his lips to Moony's.

Moony unfolded his arms and attempted to push Sirius away, but Sirius grabbed his wrists firmly in one hand. Sirius trailed his free hand down Moony's side, watching Moony squirm as he tickled him. Sirius's hand paused at the waistband of Moony's jeans.

He saw a flash of panic in his friend's eye, and his smirk dissolved into laughter. This was going to be fun. Just before he released Moony's wrists, Sirius grabbed his wand out of his pocket.

"You're a tosser, Black." Moony cursed, before stomping up the stairs to get changed, pasta sauce still in hand.

"That's three points to me and none to you, you need to up your game, Moony." Sirius called after his retreating friend.

In response, Moony stuck his middle finger up at Sirius, without turning around.

Sirius laughed and jogged up the stairs. He walked into his own room and paused, glancing at the piles and piles of clothes on his floor. Tapping an odd rhythm on his leg with his fingers, he tried to think of what he could wear. What do you wear to a date with your fake boyfriend and his mother?

He got down on his knees and rooted through the first pile. At the dinner, Sirius would get to ten points way before Moony would even get one. No one embarrassed as easily as Moony did, especially not Sirius. He smiled to himself, poor Moony had no idea what was coming for him.

After throwing clothes around the room, Sirius found a white shirt he hadn't worn in centuries. He used his wand to get rid of the wrinkles and quickly changed into it. He glanced at the jeans he was wearing, they were relatively clean, he didn't need to change them. Finally he needed a tie, or something. Is that what boyfriends do? Wear ties?

_Merlin's balls, I'm shit at this. _

Sirius rubbed a hand over his face, and back through his hair. He wasn't even Moony's real boyfriend, why was he getting so worked up over this? He didn't even bother to wear shirts for girls he was sleeping with. But then again, Moony was more important than some nameless girl who made her way into Sirius's bed.

A tentative knock sounded at his door, and Sirius quickly glanced at his reflection. He looked like a tosser. The last time he'd worn a shirt was when he was in Hogwarts – maybe this shirt was his school shirt. He undid the top button and then redid it, before undoing it again. No matter what he did, he still looked like a dick.

"Come in." He called.

Moony poked his head in and opened his mouth to speak. Instead of saying whatever he'd came to say, he froze, his eyes trailing up and down Sirius.

Sirius pulled a face and turned back to his reflection, "I know, I look like a tosser."

"No, you look..." Moony trailed off, before clearing his throat and stepping into the room. Sirius watched him step between the piles of clothes, and had to admit, he cleaned up well. He wore a navy short-sleeved shirt with all the buttons done up, dark jeans and smart shoes. Sirius looked down at his scruffy trainers self consciously. How Hope believed Moony would go for someone like him was beyond him.

Not that Sirius wanted to be Moony's boyfriend, of course.

It was just blatently obvious that Moony was too good for him.

"A-ha!" Moony exclaimed, pulling a black tie from one of the piles of clothes. He walked over to Sirius and waved it at him, "I knew you still had it."

"Is that a tie?" Sirius said, drawing his brows together, "Since when do I own a tie?"

"Since you _borrowed _it off me to impress that girl." Moony waved his hand dismissively, "Anyway, it'll make that shirt look better. Come here." Sirius hesitated. "Come on!" Moony ordered.

Sirius stepped forward, dodging a pizza box. Moony closed the distance between them and threw his hands over Sirius's shoulders. Sirius tried to keep his thoughts innocent, usually when people have their arms over his shoulders like this he was kissing them, or trailing his tongue down their neck while his hands... Sirius snapped his eyes away from Moony's neck, ignoring the spreading heat through his chest.

Moony seemed oblivious to the thoughts in Sirius's head, he popped Sirius's collar up, and wrapped the black tie around his neck. Sirius watched his nimble fingers tie the tie quickly. He tried not to think about how close Moony was, or how he could smell the peppermint shower gel he used.

When Moony was done, Sirius all but leapt away from him. Moony didn't seem to mind, he took in Sirius's look and Sirius shuffled his feet nervously.

"You look great, Sirius." Moony said sincerely. Sirius opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. Moony was looking at him so weirdly, like this was the first time he'd seen Sirius in so long, and Sirius felt heat rush up his neck. Then all of a sudden, the look on Moony's face disappeared and in a smug voice, he said, "One point to me."

Sirius narrowed his eyes at him, relief and something else – that was definitely _not _disappointment – flooded through him, and Moony walked past. Holding the door open, he said, "Come on, my mum's waiting for us."

"It's still three to one, I'm so gonna to win." Sirius said, following Moony into the hallway.

"No, you're not." Moony said.

"Five galleons says I'll get to ten before you."

"Deal."

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><p>Dessert had arrived and so far the score stood at nine:six to Sirius. There had been subtle dick jokes, some not so subtle dick jokes, pet names and even hand holding, but Sirius had stayed in the lead most of the time. He only needed one more point. He dug his fork into his chocolate cake and wondered how to get the final point. He felt like he should do something big for the final point, but couldn't think of what.<p>

Maybe a kiss? He glanced up at Moony. Some raspberry sorbet had escaped Moony's mouth and Sirius watched his tongue dart out to catch it. For a brief, half a second, Sirius had felt the strange urge to catch the sorbet with his own mouth. He blamed it on the wine. When Moony caught him looking, Sirius glanced away faster than was necessary.

_Okay, _he thought to himself, _no kissing. Moony's lips are off limits. No matter how kissable and soft- Focus Sirius! _

Maybe he could start a game of footsie? No, he had kept his trainers on and didn't want to get mud all over Moony's jeans.

He sighed to himself. He needed this point.

Thankfully, an answer came in the form of a question asked by Hope Lupin. Swallowing a mouthful of lemon drizzle cake, she asked, "So, Sirius, how did you two meet?"

Sirius smiled, an elaborate lie already forming in his head. Before he could even open his mouth though, Moony had already answered, "We shared a dorm, mum, remember?"

Sirius put his fork into his mouth and ate more cake. He'd get this point, no matter how much Moony tried to stop it. Sirius was thinking about spoon-feeding Moony his cake, when Hope rolled her eyes and said, "I know you shared a dorm, Remus. I meant, how did this," she waved a hand between them, "happen?"

Sirius spoke before Moony even had a chance to swallow his sorbet, "It was in seventh year."

Now that he'd started speaking, he had no idea where this story was going to take him, but he went with it anyway. He couldn't risk Moony getting a word in and getting more points. Maybe somewhere along the way he'd make Moony blush.

"It was Christmas break and we'd all decided to stay at Hogwarts to... erm..." Sirius hesitated, they'd stayed over during Christmas break, in seventh year, to finally try and build a living snowman the size of the castle, but somehow he didn't think Hope would appreciate that.

"To catch up on work." Moony offered, helpfully.

Sirius nodded at him, "Yeah, to catch up on work. Anyway, it was Christmas Eve and we were..." Again Sirius found he couldn't continue his story. He was going to say _it was Christmas Eve and we were all black out drunk_ but Hope probably wouldn't appreciate that either.

"Doing our potions homework." Moony finished again, eating some of his sorbet, barely containing his smile.

"Yes, potions homework." Sirius said, stifling a laugh, "Me and Moo- I mean _Remus _were sat on his bed, and I was very... _into my potions homework_, but he was more... _into his potions homework._" Sirius could hear this story getting more and more disjointed as he went on. Maybe it was the candlelight or maybe not, but if Sirius looked close enough he could see a slight pink tinge to Moony's cheeks.

He was also staring a little too intently at his sorbet, Sirius guessed he was remembering the story – the true story. Sirius finished, "And long story short, Remus kissed me."

"Whoa!" Moony said, snapping his head up to look at Sirius. Sirius could definitely see the red on his cheeks now and mentally gave himself another point. Moony aimed his spoon at Sirius, "You kissed me."

Sirius laughed, "No, you kissed me. I remember."

Hope laughed and looked between them happily. Sirius winked at her. He knew the true story well, and he had been the one to kiss Moony. He had been drunk and Moony had looked so cute in his untucked shirt and loose tie. Really, blackout drunk was a good look on Moony.

But he wasn't going to admit that here and now was he? Not when he could win five galleons.

"You liar! You kissed me and you know it!" Moony said through a smile.

Sirius grinned, and leaned back in his chair, his neck cracking, "You can't prove anything."

Moony smiled back, his whole face lighting up when Sirius winked at him. Sirius ate the final mouthful of his cake, feeling warmth in his chest – it was probably the wine and the chocolate, and nothing to do with the way Moony was looking at him.

Hope stood up and excused herself to the bathroom. When she disappeared, Sirius leaned over the table towards Moony. He smelt like wine and peppermint, a surprisingly nice combination. Sirius moved towards Moony's ears, his lips accidentally bumping the lobe and whispered, "That's five galleons to me."

The tips of Moony's ears tinged pink.


	3. Sirius's One Rule

**Remus**

Remus deserved this. He deserved Sirius's torturous flirting. It was punishment for lying to his mother, and he certainly shouldn't have been enjoying it as much as he was. Sirius was so good at pretending to be his boyfriend, Remus could almost believe it. Right now, in the taxi, Sirius was holding his hand.

He couldn't have been doing it to make Remus blush, since Sirius had won that bet earlier. He wasn't doing it to impress Hope, since she was in the front seat and couldn't see them unless she turned around. Which lead Remus to wonder why, exactly, he was doing it. The answer didn't really matter, it wouldn't stop him from stroking his thumb across Sirius's hand.

A small part of him begged him to believe Sirius liked him. Because he could, couldn't he? It wasn't completely out of the question...

Except Sirius was straight. And sure, there had been that kiss in seventh year, but they had been drunk and it doesn't count when you're drunk, everyone knows that. Nothing had ever come of it.

Remus sighed. He should release Sirius's hand. He should tell Sirius to stop, because it wasn't fair. He had no idea that he was leading Remus on like he was. No doubt, if he knew about Remus's feelings he wouldn't be doing this. It'd be too weird for him.

Remus sighed again. Sirius turned to look at him, but thankfully he was saved from explaining his repetitive sighing by the taxi stopping outside their house. Remus smiled, disentangled his hand and opened the door.

"You can pay." Remus said over his shoulder, "Since you love to treat your boyfriend."

Sirius laughed softly and leant forward in his seat, handing muggle money over to the taxi driver. They'd ended up getting a taxi after Hope had declared them too drunk to apparate home. In truth, him and Sirius weren't even drunk, they'd only had a few glasses of wine each – they'd drank more firewhiskey in an hour than they'd drank wine tonight. Remus knew his mum just hated apparating, she'd looked a bit queasy when they'd arrived in the restaurant.

Remus whispered "Prongs is a Tosser" to the hand shaped door knocker, which promptly stuck it's thumb up and allowed Remus to open the door. He rolled his eyes, like he did every time he let Sirius choose the door's new password.

He stepped inside, followed by Hope and then Sirius. He hooked his jacket on the coat rack and glanced at his watch, half eleven. Sirius shook out of his leather jacket and dropped it on the floor. At the annoyed look on Remus's face, he winked. Remus felt his cheeks heat up. Really, this blushing thing was getting out of hand.

Hope pressed a kiss to Remus and Sirius's cheeks before saying, "Night boys. It was lovely getting to know you, Sirius."

"You too, Mrs. Lupin." Sirius said, making Remus roll his eyes again.

When Hope disappeared up the stairs, Remus turned to Sirius and mocked, "You too, Mrs. Lupin."

"Shut up." Sirius said, laughing. He wandered towards the stairs and Remus followed him, yawning as he went. Sirius turned into his room, pulling his tie over his head, and Remus went into the bathroom.

He looked at his reflection, his hair was messy and his cheeks seemed permanently tinged pink. He looked like a love-sick teenager, it was ridiculous. He rolled his eyes at his reflection and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to neaten it. He gave up, squeezed some toothpaste onto his brush and stuck it in his mouth.

As he brushed his teeth, his mind wandered to Sirius. He'd looked so good in his shirt and tie. In fairness, Sirius looked good in anything. From his leather jacket to his shirt and tie to his-

Remus's thoughts were cut off abruptly when Sirius walked in. He wore nothing but his boxers. Which Remus had to admit, Sirius also looked good in. Exceptionally good, in fact. Remus looked at Sirius in the mirror, his eyes trailing over the faint hint of abs on his stomach, and the small trail of black hair starting at his belly button and going all the way down to his... Remus gulped and almost choked on his toothpaste. Sirius looked at him questioningly, Remus just shook his head and kept brushing his teeth.

Sirius squeezed some toothpaste onto his own toothbrush, and met Remus's eyes in the mirror, "So, I've been thinking."

Remus spat into the sink, "That's never good."

"Ha-ha." Sirius said sarcastically, "I've been thinking, since your mum is in your room, where are you sleeping?"

Remus paused. He turned and met Sirius's eyes. The two of them both turned to look at Sirius's bedroom door, visible through the open bathroom door. Remus snapped his head back to the mirror, sticking his brush under the tap, the glow of blush already visible in his cheeks. Without looking at Sirius he said, "I'll sleep on the couch."

Remus risked a glance at Sirius's reflection. If Remus didn't know better he'd think Sirius looked disappointed as he stuck his toothbrush in his mouth, but Remus did know better, and he wouldn't let the wine in his system trick him.

Instead he placed his toothbrush back into it's holder and all but ran from the bathroom. He couldn't bare to watch Sirius move his toothbrush in and out of his mouth, while wearing nothing but red boxers, any longer. He walked down the stairs, cursing his own feelings.

He walked into the living room and glared at the mess. There was no way he could sleep in this room. Maybe some cleaning would tire him enough, so that he'd be able to sleep without imagining sleeping next to Sirius... In his bed... While he wears those damn boxers...

_Remus Lupin, you are so pathetic._

* * *

><p>Remus's first thought when he woke up was a confirmation that yes, he was very pathetic. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. He promised himself that for as long as he lived, he would never, ever, repeat the dream he'd just had, but that didn't mean he had to forget about it. Not that he would have been able to had he tried.<p>

He glanced at his watch. It was only eight in the morning, but he had to make sure he was up before his mum was. If she caught him sleeping down here and not in Sirius's bed, she'd probably have a few questions to ask.

He had ended up sleeping in last night's clothes, because his pajamas were in his room with his mum. The collar was tight around his neck and he was wholly uncomfortable. He couldn't go get dressed yet though so instead he forced himself up, ignoring his protesting back, and stumbled into the kitchen. His lower back ached with every step and he wasn't sure he'd be able to survive the rest of the week on that couch.

As he was eating his cereal, his mum came down the stairs. She smiled at him, her eyes hovering too long on his wrinkled clothes. Remus felt his cheeks heat up and kept his eyes focused on his cereal. Merlin knows what his mother was thinking right now.

"Morning." He said.

"Where's Sirius?" She asked, making herself a cup of tea.

"He's not a morning person." Remus laughed, "I'd give it another few hours before we're graced with his presence."

Hope laughed and sat opposite Remus, sipping her tea. She pinned him with a questioning look and he suddenly wished he was still asleep. It was too early in the morning to answer whatever question about his and Sirius's relationship she had. He wasn't the good liar, Sirius was.

"You and him..." She started, and Remus stuffed another spoonful of cereal into his mouth to hide his grimace, "Make a cute couple." She finished. Remus didn't know what he was supposed to say to that, he just nodded.

They fell into silence and Remus sensed that wasn't the end of the conversation. In her mind, Sirius was Remus's first real boyfriend, and Remus so wished that was true. She opened her mouth to say something but thankfully, she was cut off by the sound of something tapping on glass.

Remus stood up and placed his empty bowl in the sink. He walked to the mirror hooked on the wall. In front of him an image materialised that wasn't his reflection.

"Hey, Moony." James said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Morning, Prongs." Remus said, with a mock salute.

"Can we come over?" James asked.

Remus nodded and James's image disappeared from the mirror. Ten seconds later there was a loud CRACK behind Remus and he jumped. He'd been expecting it, but James still had a habit of scaring him. He turned around and glared at James as he laughed. Lily had a small smile on her face too.

"Happy Birthday!" Remus exclaimed as Lily pulled him into a hug. When she let him go he gestured to his mum, "James you've met my mum. Lily, this is Hope."

"Hello again, Mrs. Lupin." James said, smiling at Hope.

"Hello James." Hope said standing up. She offered her hand to Lily, "So nice to meet you Lily."

"Can you apparate when you're pregnant?" Remus asked, glancing down nervously at Lily's stomach.

"Before six months, yes." Lily said. In a slightly bossy voice she added, "Now go wake Black up, I need to give you instructions for tonight."

Remus nodded. An owl flew in through the window to deliver The Daily Prophet to Hope, she sat back down with her tea and opened the first page. James and Lily went into the lounge and Remus went upstairs, hoping that Sirius had chosen to sleep in more clothes and definitely not less.

He knocked on Sirius's bedroom door, but of course there was no response. He pushed it open tentatively. Sirius was spread out on his bed, half under his covers. And he was not wearing more clothes than he had been last night. Lucky for Remus, he'd chosen to keep his boxers on. Remus still felt heat rise up his neck as he stepped into the room and approached Sirius's bed. He approached like Sirius was a wild animal about to attack him; which wasn't entirely out of the question when Sirius was forced to wake up before noon.

He poked Sirius's arm, elliciting a grunt from his friend but nothing more. Remus sighed. He poked his arm again, "Wake up, Padfoot."

Sirius grunted again, and shuffled his arm away. Remus glanced around the room for a glass of water, but found none.

Instead, he punched Sirius gently in the arm. When Sirius didn't even grunt this time, Remus gripped his shoulders and began to shake him gently. "Wakey wakey Padfoot." He sang.

"I will kill you." Sirius growled, hands snatching out to grab Remus's hands. Sirius's grip softened, his hands ghosting over Remus's. In his half-asleep state, Sirius's finger dipped into the space between Remus's thumb and forefinger, hooking under the palm.

"Prongs and Evans are downstairs." Remus stated in a slightly high voice. He looked at their hands for a second longer, before reluctantly pulling away from Sirius's. Barely noticing the absence of Remus's hands in his, Sirius shielded his eyes from the sunlight streaming through the window.

"What time is it?" He asked, squinting up at Remus through his dark eyelashes.

"About ten past eight."

Sirius looked horrified, "What the fuck is wrong with you people? I have one rule, Moony! One! And you broke it!"

"Someone's grumpy." Remus laughed.

Sirius glared at him. Remus expertly dodged the pillow that was launched at his head.

"Alright fine, fine, I'll go back downstairs. But Lily will probably want to speak to you herself, and you know how angry she can be now that she's pregnant..." Remus said, taking a few steps back.

Sirius hesitated. He kept his eyes on Remus before finally sighing and pushing the covers off himself. Remus quickly averted his eyes from Sirius's boxers, especially since they'd hitched up on one side, during the night, and were flashing an excessive amount of thigh. Remus pretended to be distracted by a pigeon outside the window.

Sirius pushed himself off the bed, his face splitting into a yawn. He walked towards the door, towards Remus, and Remus held his hands out quickly, "Erm, aren't you going to get dressed?"

Sirius looked down at himself as though realising for the first time he wasn't wearing clothes. Remus laughed at the confused look on his face. Sirius snapped his head up to smirk lasciviously at him, "Don't you like me like this?"

Remus's mouth went suddenly dry. Why did Sirius have to look at him like that?

"Get dressed." Remus said, rolling his eyes. He left the room, hoping that Sirius hadn't mastered legilimency during the night.


	4. Tea, Coffee, and Firewhiskey

**Sirius**

Sirius ducked into the kitchen. He smiled at Hope, who smiled back before returning to The Daily Prophet. Underneath her copy of the wizard newspaper was a muggle newspaper.

He flicked the kettle on and waited for it to boil. Grabbing his favourite mug from the cupboard, his hand hovered over Moony's favourite mug. He cast a sidelong glance at Hope, he was supposed to be Moony's boyfriend. Boyfriends make their boyfriends tea, right?

He pulled out both his and Moony's mugs, he put a teabag in Moony's and a spoonful of instant coffee into his own. The kettle clicked off and he made both his and Moony's drinks, remembering that Moony likes two sugars in his tea, and a lot of milk.

He grabbed the mugs. He was good at this, he didn't know why he had never tried being a boyfriend before. Well, there had been that one time but that hadn't ended well.

He bumped the lounge door open with his hip and stepped in. Hope followed behind him, apparently done with the newspaper. He let her take the only remaining free seat and, like the loving boyfriend he was, he perched on the arm of Moony's chair, holding out the mug for him. Moony took it with a confused look and sipped it, as though expecting it to be spiked with a potion of some kind.

Sirius grinned at Prongs. Evans narrowed her eyes, but he caught one corner of her lip curling upwards. She could pretend to hate him all she wanted, but he knew she loved him just as much as Prongs did.

Well, maybe not that much, but it was close.

"What's times the party tonight then, Evans?" Sirius asked, after a mouthful of coffee.

"Eight. You two are not allowed to be late, and _yes_ that includes you, Black!" She ordered, narrowing her eyes at him. Sirius made an offended noise and she rolled her eyes, "You're always late and Remus is always early, I'm hoping together you'll finally manage to be on time."

"We do balance each other out." Sirius smiled, brushing Moony's hair off his forehead. Moony froze under his touch and Sirius suddenly realised what he was doing. He quickly yanked his hand away, liked he'd been burned. He turned to look at Prongs and Evans sheepishly. Hope was smiling at them, Prongs was staring at him looking perplexed, and Evans was looking between the two of them questioningly.

"What the-"

Prongs was cut off by Moony, "Mum, I need your opinion on Lily's birthday present." He jumped up, handed his half drunk tea to Sirius and lead his mum into the kitchen. With a quick look at Sirius, Sirius guessed he was supposed to explain everything to Prongs and Evans.

Sirius looked back at him, with an expression he hoped said, "Thanks mate." sarcastically.

When the door closed behind Moony and Hope, Prongs started again, "What the hell was that?"

Sirius laughed to himself, placing his and Moony's mugs to the floor. Prongs had the same look on his face he'd had that time in seventh year, when he'd caught him and Moony kissing. He'd asked repeatedly if Sirius had feelings for Moony, and Sirius had always given the same answer – _it doesn't count when you're drunk. _

It was easier to say that, than to give any actual thought to Prongs's question.

"Moony and I are fake dating." Sirius said, before he could think about his feelings for Moony any further.

"Fake dating?" Evans asked, her eyebrow arching up. He recognised the look, it was the look she always gave when she was about to lecture them. Fondly called "The Eyebrow of Doom" by Prongs. Called a number of other things by Sirius, not quite as fondly.

"Fake dating." Sirius confirmed.

"What does that even mean!" Prongs asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. He looked panicked, like he'd just been told his two best friends had murdered someone, and weren't just pretending to fuck every night. The image of fucking Moony appeared quickly in Sirius's mind and he had to push it out fast, before his cock decided now would be a good time to make it's appearance.

"It means," Sirius said, sliding down to sit in the chair Remus had vacated, "That Moony and I are pretending to be a couple, but we aren't actually a couple. I mean Moony's great, and he'd make a great-" Sirius coughed and cleared his throat, he looked at the floor, "We're just pretending."

Prongs drew his brows together in an overly confused look. It looked like someone was trying to explain muggle maths to him in Latin. Sirius scoffed. Evans, on the other hand, seemed to be searching Sirius's face for something. He looked back at her, until she finally narrowed her eyes at him. Without turning to face her husband, she said, "James, go get me a glass of water."

"But I-"

"Please, sweetie." She said, smiling at him innocently. He smiled back, pecked her on the cheek and went into the kitchen too.

Sirius pulled a disgusted face when the door swung shut, "You've got him whipped."

"If you hurt Remus I will murder you." Evans growled, aiming her wand at him.

Sirius raised his hands in surrender, "Whoa! Whoa! Why would I hurt Moony?"

She didn't lower her wand. Sirius kept his hands up in surrender, Evans had always been scary, but with the pregnancy she'd become about ten percent scarier. He didn't believe she'd kill him, but he also didn't doubt she'd put him through some serious pain.

Which begs the question, why did she think he'd hurt Moony?

"Why do you think I would?" He asked.

She stuffed her wand back into her pocket, "Because you're both idiots and this plan is going to fall apart."

"Your lack of faith hurts me." Sirius joked, as the door opened and Prongs, Moony and Hope returned. Moony threw a questioning look at him and Sirius just nodded. Everyone returned to their seats, and Hope began talking to Lily about her pregnancy. Moony paused in front of Sirius expectantly.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"You're in my seat." Moony said, pointing at the chair.

"No, I think I am your seat." Sirius corrected smugly, gesturing to his lap.

"If you think I'm going to sit in your lap, you're stupider than you look." Moony whispered angrily, before perching on the arm of the chair like Sirius had. Sirius laughed, partly at Moony's anger and partly at the confused horror on Prongs's face.

* * *

><p>"At least we don't have to act like a couple tonight." Sirius said, when they arrived outside Prongs and Evans's house at eight o'clock exactly.<p>

"Yeah." Moony said quietly, picking at the bow on Evans's present. Hope had decided not to come to Lily's party, so they were free from the restraints of Moony's lie.

Sirius dropped his cigarette to the ground and stomped it out. He leaned close to Moony, the peppermint smell was extra strong after his shower an hour ago and Sirius couldn't help but breathe it in, lowering his voice he whispered, "Unless you want to."

Moony turned pink under the streetlights, and Sirius laughed when he was forcefully shoved away. He caught himself just before he fell into Lily's flower bed.

"You already won the bet." Moony complained, stamping towards the door and knocking louder than he had to, "Stop trying to embarrass me."

Sirius stuffed his hands into his jacket and stood behind Moony. "It's my favourite thing to do though." He breathed into Moony's neck, making the short hairs there dance. He heard Moony sigh wearily and smiled to himself. The strange urge to wrap his arms around Moony's waist and press into his body floated into Sirius's mind.

He stamped it down just as Evans opened the door and glanced at her watch, "Well done, you're on time for once."

"That dress really shows off your baby bump." Sirius said, with an earsplitting grin.

Her face darkened and she shouted at him in a voice like thunder, "I'M ONLY TWO MONTHS PREGNANT!"

Sirius burst into laughter. He quickly composed himself, wrapping an arm over Moony's shoulders, and said, "Are you sure? I think it might be twins..."

"I'm not going to save you when she tries to kill you." Prongs said stifling his laughter, appearing behind Evans. He wrapped one arm around her hip and attempted to pull her away. She glared at Sirius and he smiled back.

Moony handed the present over and it seemed to distract her, allowing him and Sirius to come into the house without losing any of their favourite body parts. They stepped into the house and wiped their shoes on the welcome mat. Sirius followed Moony into the lounge.

It was like a Hogwarts' class of 1978 reunion in the lounge. Sirius recognised nearly everyone, but felt no real need to talk to them. They were probably less than happy to be reunited with three quarters of The Marauders. Only three quarters since Sirius couldn't see Peter amongst the dancing bodies. He made a mental note to ask Prongs about that later.

Evans wandered off to talk to a group of girls. Showing off the dress he and Moony had bought for her – well it had actually been Sirius's idea, since Moony had probably never bought a present for a girl, and probably never would.

Prongs punched Sirius in the arm and ruffled Moony's hair, "How's the relationship boys?"

"Fuck off." Moony said, ducking his head from Prongs's grip.

"Ooh, trouble in paradise?" Prongs laughed. He seemed less confused than he had earlier today, maybe he'd come to terms with his best mates fake-fucking.

"Hey, stop bullying him, that's my job." Sirius protested, laughing at Moony's annoyed face.

"Fuck both of you." Moony said angrily, but the half smile on his face told them he wasn't being serious.

Before he could make a threesome related joke at Moony's expense, Sirius spotted a girl with long brown hair, wearing a skin tight black dress. He ducked quickly behind Moony, placing his hands on his friend's sides to keep him in place. He guessed by the flustered, "What are you doing?" that Moony asked, he was already blushing.

"Gina's over there." Sirius hissed, pressing his forehead to Moony's back. It was lucky Remus was taller than him, he made a great cover.

Prongs laughed, "Hiding from a girl, Padfoot?"

"Shut up, Prongs, I've seen you hide from Evans a million times."

"He still hides from me." Evans said, and Sirius peered over Moony's shoulder to find her stood at Prong's elbow, laughing at him, "She's gone into the kitchen, you can come out now."

Sirius smiled sheepishly and stepped out from behind Moony, he brushed his hands over his t-shirt, ignoring everyone smirking at him, "I wasn't hiding..."

Moony rolled his eyes.

Thankfully, Evans had a welcome distraction. She held up a large bottle of firewhiskey and said, "I brought this for-"

"LILY!" Prongs exclaimed, "You're pregnant, what are you doing!"

"I was bringing this for-"

"You can't drink firewhiskey, Lily!" James interrupted again, he snatched the bottle off her, and added smugly, "I guess I'll have to confiscate this."

Sirius and Moony laughed and she rolled her eyes. She spun on her heels and stormed off, calling over her shoulder, "I was bringing it for you, you idiot."

One corner of Prongs's mouth curled upwards and he held the firewhiskey up proudly, "So, who wants to get drunk?"

"Shouldn't we wait for Peter?" Moony asked.

Prongs lowered the firewhiskey and shuffled his feet, "He, er, he's still missing."

"Oh." Moony said. Sirius felt a hole in his chest. It was weird without Wormtail. They hadn't seen him since they'd graduated. It was like he'd fallen off the face of the earth. He didn't answer his shard of the mirror, or their phonecalls. He had just gone.

Sirius took the bottle out of Prongs's hand and opened it. "I'll drink his share." He said, in an attempt to lighten the mood.


	5. Prettier Than The Stars

**Remus**

Remus stumbled into James and Lily's bedroom. He collapsed into the pile of coats on the bed instead of attempting to find his own. The room spun slightly and he squeezed his eyes shut. Him, James and Sirius had gone through too many bottles of firewhiskey to count. Like always, Prongs became even more obnoxious the more he drank, Remus laughed more with each bottle, and Sirius became very touchy-feely. There were at least twelve girls and four boys in the lounge who had been hugged by Sirius. Remus hadn't been spared Sirius's clingy actions, he could still feel Sirius's hands wrapped around his waist as he was hugged from behind.

The thoughts that had ran through his head, when Sirius had been behind him, were definitely not innocent. He was just glad he hadn't drank enough firewhiskey to make him spill his thoughts yet, or things could be much worse.

It had only been two days since Sirius had agreed to be his fake boyfriend and already the feelings Remus had for Sirius had increased. He could hardly look at Sirius without feeling warmth spread through his whole body. It didn't help at all that Sirius seemed to get some kind of kick out of humiliating Remus. Remus had to remind himself that this was all pretend and only for a week.

It didn't matter that Sirius seemed to stand so much closer to him now, and make him cups of tea, or whisper in his ear. It didn't matter. It was all pretend.

_Pretend, pretend, pretend. _

Remus sat up slowly when he heard the door open. Sirius was stood at the door, grinning like an idiot. He leant back against the closed door and watched Remus through half closed eyes.

"I can't find my jacket." Remus said, spreading his arms across the pile of coats below him.

"I don't think that's how you look for a jacket." Sirius said, his words blurring together slightly.

"No... Me neither." Remus laughed. He forced himself to stand up, almost falling when the room tipped sideways sickeningly. Sirius stepped forward to steady him but Remus held out his hands, stopping him, "It's okay, I got it... I got it..."

He spun around to face the bed again, his back to Sirius, and rooted through the coats. Throwing them this way and that. He didn't remember putting his jacket on the bed. In fact, he didn't even remember taking his jacket off. Was Sirius wearing his leather jacket?

He glanced over his shoulder and gasped when he saw how close Sirius was. He hadn't heard him move, but he was somehow stood directly behind Remus. He smelt like smoke and firewhiskey, but also warmth and a bit like birthday cake. Remus felt his mouth curve into a soppy smile.

Sirius had taken off his jacket, maybe his was on the bed too... Remus turned his head to look for Sirius's jacket, but Sirius caught his chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned his head back to face him.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, his voice sounded ridiculously high to himself and he would have been embarrassed, had it not been so hard to concentrate. Sirius had pretty grey eyes. And a strong jaw. He really was beautiful, it was no wonder Remus was in love with him.

"I'm just... I don't actually know." Sirius said, glancing perplexed at his fingers. He released Remus's chin, but traced the line of Remus's jaw with his forefinger. His touch was feather light and tickly, Remus shivered happily.

Sirius traced his finger down Remus's neck, following it with his eyes. Remus wasn't sure if now was the best time to do this, or even if it was a good idea, but he did it anyway – he leaned his head downwards and pressed his lips to Sirius's.

Sirius's finger stilled. He froze against Remus's lips.

Remus felt his heart thud harder in his chest.

_What the fuck are you doing? _He asked himself, keeping his lips pressed to Sirius's.

He was about to pull away – about to apologise so many times, even though he knew it would never be enough – when Sirius's lips moved against his. Sirius's finger left Remus's collarbones and both his hands gripped Remus's hips roughly, desperately, pulling him closer. Remus deepened the kiss, and wrapped his own arms around Sirius's shoulders.

He felt Sirius's tongue trail along his bottom lip, he moaned. He opened his mouth and Sirius's tongue explored inside. Like Remus had expected, Sirius tasted like smoke and firewhiskey, and a little like birthday cake. It was great. Remus couldn't hold off his smile and Sirius pulled away slightly, elliciting a groan of complaint from Remus. He laughed softly, and Remus could feel his breath against his lips.

Remus closed the gap between them quickly, his hands entangling in Sirius's hair, pulling gently at the roots. Sirius laughed again, this time against Remus's mouth. His grip tightened on Remus's hips, one hand moving to trail down the curve of Remus's backside.

None of this was fake. It couldn't be. Sure, they were drunk, but Hope wasn't in the room. She wasn't even in the house. Sirius wasn't doing this for her, for their lie. He was doing it because it was Remus, because he wanted to kiss him. Remus felt a glow of warmth in his chest. He could hardly breathe, and the room was spinning around them, but he had never been happier. Never wanted a moment to last so long.

Sadly, though, it ended quickly. Remus had only just began to explore the inside of Sirius's mouth when the door swung open and a female voice called, "I found your- OH MY GOD!"

Remus jumped away from Sirius, the back of his knees hitting the bed and making him fall backwards onto the pile of coats. He covered his face in his hands, it felt warm to the touch and he didn't need a mirror to know he was blushing. Buttons of a jacket were digging into his back but he didn't dare move. Maybe if he stayed still enough he'd disappear, and he wouldn't have to face the two people in the room ever again.

He had just kissed Sirius. Sirius's tongue had just been in his mouth. Did Sirius have feelings for him?

Or was he just really drunk?

Probably the latter.

"I found your jackets." Lily said in a small voice.

After a pause, Sirius said, his voice slightly hoarse, "Thanks."

Silence filled the room. There was a shuffle of feet, and a creak as the door was closed. Remus didn't know if he was alone now or if Sirius had stayed. He kept his hands on his face. Not ready to face the reality of what had just happened. He licked his lips, they didn't taste like Sirius, maybe it had all just been an elaborate drunk hallucination. When he moves his hands, he'll be alone and still on the hunt for his jacket.

Except, when he actually moved his hands, Sirius was there, watching him. His lips were darker and slightly plump, and his hair was a mess. Remus licked his lips again, and saw Sirius's tongue dart out and copy him.

"I, uh, I have your jacket." Sirius offered awkwardly, holding it out at arms length.

"Thanks." Remus mumbled, accepting the jacket and looking away from Sirius.

The two of them fell into silence again. Not looking at each other. Remus forced himself into a standing position, his legs protesting the movement by shaking slightly. He managed to hold himself up though, and stumble towards the door. He pulled it open and stepped out into the corridor. A hand caught his arm, and held him back before he could go down the stairs.

"Shouldn't we just apparate home?" Sirius asked, glancing nervously away from Remus's gaze.

"Why?"

"Because Lily caught us and she's probably already told James..."

"Oh..." Remus said. It could be that Sirius was ashamed to have kissed him, or it could be Sirius just wanting to avoid the monumental teasing that would no doubt follow. Remus wanted to just apparate home too. Just curl onto the couch and sleep until it was no longer awkward between him and Sirius – until he couldn't feel Sirius's warm hands on his body any longer. But he still said, "No, we have to say goodbye."

Sirius released his arm and nodded. He put on a confident smile and sidestepped Remus, leading the way downstairs. Remus followed, wishing he had Sirius's ability to move on so fast. They turned into the lounge, where people were hugging and saying goodbye. James jogged over to them and Lily followed, avoiding looking directly at them.

"There you are, I thought you tossers 'ad left without saying goodbye." James said, pulling Sirius into a hug and then doing the same to Remus, patting his back roughly. He was drunk and loud, and Remus was surprised he hadn't said anything about the kiss yet. He thought it'd be the first thing he said.

Lily stepped forward then and hugged Sirius. By the look on Sirius's face, she had whispered something into his ear. Maybe she hadn't told James yet. She pulled away and Sirius rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, looking down at the floor.

She hugged Remus. In his ear, she whispered, "Don't do anything stupid."

Remus smiled into her shoulder, and whispered back, "When have I ever?"

She pulled away and pinned him with a disapproving look. He smiled at her, hoping it didn't look as forced as it felt. He felt Sirius grope for his hand, and suddenly he was being squeezed through a really small tunnel. He hadn't realise he'd closed his eyes, until the pressure stopped and all he could see was blackness. His head ached when he reopened them.

"Apparating when drunk is not fun..." Remus muttered, clutching Sirius's hand tighter to keep himself upright.

"Where are we?" Sirius asked, swaying slightly on his feet as he glanced around. Remus looked around them. They were stood on a street he didn't recognise, with similar looking houses lining both sides of the road. Streetlights were dotted strategically down the street, casting a warm orange glow over everything. The wind picked up around them, making Remus shiver slightly. Sirius glanced up at the sky as though he could follow the stars, and muttered, "I was aiming for the house."

"I think you missed." Remus said pointlessly.

"Let's go..." Sirius spun around in circles, dragging Remus along with him. He stopped unexpectantly and Remus had to grab his arm to balance himself. He could feel tense muscle beneath Sirius's leather jacket, and he yanked his hand away as though he'd been burned. Sirius pointed ahead of them with the hand holding Remus's, "This way."

Remus was pulled down the street, not sure if they were even going the right way or not. Sirius was still holding his hand and it was warm against the wind. Remus cast a sidelong glance at Sirius. He was smiling at something, and Remus was struck once again by how handsome he was.

It was because Sirius was so handsome, that Remus didn't see the dip in the path in front of him. Even Sirius's hand couldn't keep Remus upright when he tripped over his own feet. He twisted to try and keep himself up, only to end up smacking the back of his head on the ground. The stars spun in the sky in front of him, and a dull throbbing started in his skull.

"Does the world always spin this fast?" Remus groaned, clutching the path beneath him.

Sirius's face appeared above him, blotting out the stars. Not that Remus minded, he was way better looking than the stars. He looked worried though, which wasn't Remus's favourite look.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked. Remus smiled and Sirius visibly relaxed, "You're drunk."

Sirius moved to stand up, and held out a hand for Remus. Remus stared at it uninterestedly. In an urgent sounding voice he said, "No, come back a second."

"What?" Sirius asked, dropping his hand.

"It's important, just come back." Remus complained.

Sirius sighed and knelt back down, his head once again blotting out the stars. As quick as he could manage, Remus moved his head up and kissed Sirius. Sirius laughed against his mouth but didn't pull away. When Remus's hands wrapped around Sirius's neck, he wrapped his own arms around Remus's waist and dragged them both up from the ground. Remus felt unstable on his feet, and pulled his lips away from Sirius.

Still being held by Sirius, Remus rested his head on his shoulder, breathing into his neck, "My head hurts."

"Come on, let's get you home before you start taking my clothes off." Sirius laughed, keeping one arm around Remus's waist and leading him back down the street.


End file.
